How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with wanting to rip your spouse’s clothing off on a whim (it can definitely make for a hot relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper romance will determine the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you understand how romantically involved you imagine being with your companion. And, what’s more, it’ll provide you a good idea of how to feel seeing her or his flaws and how they impact you.

As a licensed health coach I work with individuals on feeling satisfied with their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. In some cases, individuals are just after lust, or rather a romantic (frequently mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can not keep your hands off each other when. But usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re kind of dating the human body, rather than the individual inside it). A relationship will have a significance, as there’s understanding and an affection that there. Regardless of what you’re currently searching for, both can be quite satisfying the long-term result will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love .

You Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there is probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a great indication that there’s love. have a peek at this site have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your relationship, learn more about each other’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.


“If you find yourself romantically and sexually excited by these, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t like her or his style in bed, but you still want to remain together for a slew of other reasons, it’s likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that’s deeper than just sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be struggling to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.

You’ve Fantasies About Them

“Lust is typically compound, primal and strongly physical. It typically entails idealization and dream about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels much more like an emotional and mental bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the brain, which can be fed by the hormones that surge through you every time you see or think about the object of your desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re continually searching for a ‘repair’ of your partner then you’re probably still at the lust stage. If you can go a while with no contact and aren’t always thinking about them then you’ve moved into the attachment or love phase,” Archard describes.

You Believe Grounded About Them

” Love is deep seated feeling. Love is layered. When you love someone, you take the entire package. You wish to get to know them. Generally speaking, you’ll be more enthusiastic about peeling back these layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Matters

“By the time enjoy happens, couples are usually moving in together, buying a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of children. They have much more stress happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting What You Need

Following is a key difference: Lust is about getting what you need (perhaps some hot sex ?) , while love is more concerning giving on a spouse and enduring the relationship, explains Brian Taylor, Author & dating coach, to Bustle. Consider helpful resources ‘ll help determine whether you are feeling lust or love and where your mind is.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you truly feel safe to talk about your feelings in your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. If you believe you either can’t or don’t need to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, it’s probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signs to understand the difference. That is great when it’s aligned with what you need. Otherwise, it’s time.